Issue #57: The Vinyl Café
…some of my favourite stories
The Vinyl Café: Introduction (more info here)
Welcome to a special issue of The Five List, dedicated to the Vinyl Café!
Growing up, I always looked forward to Sunday afternoons because we listened to Vinyl Café on CBC Radio. Hosted by Stuart McLean, the show featured a series of musical guests, followed by a new story each week. When I got older, every spring my dad would pick me up from university and on the six hour drive home we’d listen to our favourite stories from Vinyl Café. At this point I pretty much have my favourites memorized, but it doesn’t make hearing them again any less enjoyable.
The Vinyl Café stories centered on a fictional family of Dave and Morley, their kids Stephanie and Sam, their dog Arthur, cat Galway, and their friends and neighbours. I have linked above to an article that breaks down more of the details of the characters. The most important thing to know about Dave is that he tries so hard to do the right/good thing and it always goes disastrously wrong.
The stories were always hilarious and heartwarming, sometimes in equal parts and sometimes leaning more in one direction than the other. I’ve heard so many of them a million times already, and returning to them, especially my favourites, feels like a large dose of comfort and nostalgia. This is even more true over the past few years. Sadly McLean passed away in 2017 and there won’t be any new episodes of Vinyl Café. One year for Christmas my family bought tickets to see McLean perform in Ottawa and he was fantastic. I’m so grateful I was able to hear him perform live and share a new Dave and Morley story.
Thankfully these stories have been preserved in both print and audio. I have linked all the episodes I mentioned in this issue to YouTube because it’s free and you don’t need an account, however they are usually also available through some podcast platforms and places like Spotify.
When I started to get excited about our annual tradition of listening to the Christmas episodes of Vinyl Café I knew I had to include it in The Five List. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it needs way more than being just one entry out of five in a regular issue. Even dedicating an entire issue to it was challenging and required a lot of hard cuts!
The Vinyl Café: Christmas episodes
There are a lot of excellent episodes of Vinyl Café- they are classics that are listened to over and over again. Ask a group of Vinyl Café fans what the best episodes are though, and the vast majority are likely to tell you the Christmas ones. I listen to them every year and treasure hearing them. The holiday season just doesn’t feel complete until I hear McLean’s voice over the speakers saying “In the middle of November, when Jim Scoffield was cleaning out his attic, he came across a box of children's books he neither recognized nor remembered…”. I have listed my all-time favourites below.
“Polly Anderson’s Christmas Party” (listen here)
Not just my favourite Vinyl Café Christmas episode, but my favourite of all time. I think a lot of Vinyl Café fans would agree to that too. After arriving early to his neighbour Polly’s annual Christmas party Dave is left in charge of the eggnog. One bowl is supposed to go to the adult party upstairs and the other to the kid party in the basement. Dave is supposed to add rum to the one for the adult party. You can see it coming a mile away, but it doesn’t make it any less funny.
My favourite part: the girl in the red dress standing at the top of the stairs singing “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” from Evita.
“Rashida, Amir, and the Great Gift-Giving” (listen here)
Dave volunteers to make the Christmas cake for the neighbourhood annual skating party. His friend and neighbour Jim gives some old books to the new neighbours, Rashida and Amir, who are new to Canada. They mistakenly interpret this as part of a massive neighbourhood gift exchange. The two situations eventually cross paths, creating a disastrous and hilarious situation. Poor Dave- he always tries so hard!
My favourite part: the squirrel matching Dave step for step as they race down the street after Morley’s car.
“Dave Makes Snow” (listen here)
Dave’s attempt at a thoughtful Christmas gift for Morley collides with disastrous results with neighbour Mary Turlington’s Elizabethan themed Christmas, which she had been planning full steam ahead since June.
My favourite part: the gold leaf situation at the end. It’s classic Dave.
“Dave Cooks the Turkey” (listen here)
Dave gets assigned the task of being in charge of the turkey when Morley gets overwhelmed planning Christmas. Dave realizes late on Christmas Eve night that there’s been a miscommunication and cooking the turkey just became a much harder task than anticipated.
My favourite part: Dave checking in to the hotel with the turkey.
The Vinyl Café: “The Waterslide” (listen here)
This has got to be one of the most iconic non-Christmas episodes. Sam and his friend Murphy, bored on summer vacation, build a backyard waterslide. Word quickly spreads and Sam and Murphy soon find themselves running a secret waterpark for the kids in the neighbourhood. The most enthusiastic participant, however, is their 92 year old neighbour Eugene. It all takes a turn when a grainy video shot by one of the kids gets uploaded to YouTube and goes viral.
The Vinyl Café: “Holland” (listen here)
The story behind how Dave and Morley met, as well as their first year of marriage. This is one of the rare episodes that is set as a flashback, and with so many of the stories focused on Dave and Morley after they’ve been married for a while, it’s a fun change to hear something from their early days. I love the ending.
“So Morley reached down and gathered up the line of the wool and they started to walk through the airport, Dave a step ahead of Morley, like a kid on a line. And they walked that way to the luggage carousel, and they walked that way out to the taxis, and they’re still walking like that today: attached together, drifting apart sometimes, but never so far apart that one can’t reel the other one in”.
-Stuart McLean, “Holland”
The Vinyl Café: Other Favourites
A few more of my favourites:
“Toilet training the cat/Galway” (listen here)
Dave tries to toilet train Galway the cat. Enough said. Come for the funny cat story, stay for the happy ending.
“Dave Gives a Speech” (listen here)
Dave is invited to be a guest speaker at a university music class. It doesn’t go well. My dad and I listened to this one every year.
“Dave’s Shoelace” (listen here)
Through a series of unfortunate events, Dave ends up both short circuiting the treadmill at his hotel AND getting his shoelaces stuck in the machine. He has no choice but to complete the workout that was programmed into the machine by the last person who used it. Unfortunately for Dave, that person was training for a marathon.
“Love Never Ends” (listen here)
Dave receives a letter from his childhood baseball coach’s widow. A rare episode that isn’t funny but very touching.
I hope these stories bring laughter and entertainment into your homes!
Wishing you a wonderful week and I’ll be back in your inbox next Sunday!
Lauren